Dad's Pure Balls

What could be sexier than going on a date with your dad?

The girls generally range in age from college down to the tiny 4-year-old dressed all in purple who has climbed up into her father's arms to be carried. Some are in their first high heels--you can tell by the way they walk, like uncertain baby giraffes. Randy Wilson, co-inventor of the Father-Daughter Purity Ball, offers a blessing: he calls on the men to be good and loving listeners, tender, gracious and truthful. And he prays that the girls might "step into the world with strength and passion, to lead this generation."

I was trying to decide what the creepiest aspect of the purity ball phenomenon is. The fact that it's a phenomenon at all, or that Time magazine gave such fawning treatment to this sickness, or that these shitgoblins named one of their daughters "Khrystian."

Randy and his wife Lisa Wilson believe in celebrating God's design and life's little growth spurts. But the origin of the purity-ball movement was not so much about their five daughters; it was about the fathers Randy saw who, he says, didn't know what their place was in the lives of their daughters.

Seems to me these girls are being denied life's little spurts, but whatever. If you can stomach this article to the end you'll meet a dude at the ball whose seed has found purchase nine times in seven different uteruses.

Three of his daughters are with him tonight, including 10-year-old Taylor. I asked what purity means to her. "I don't really know," she says, and she's shy about talking about all this. "But it means you make a promise to your dad to be a virgin until you are married and not have a lot of boyfriends."

Dad has been spelunking strange vaginas since jump but he expects his own spawn to keep their little hymens intact. Until when? They hook up with an awesome dude like pop?