RepubliKKKunts

Not a day goes by that I don't ask myself the question, "How in the name of science do so many people choose to be so fucking stupid?" But the reason why I ask myself that question tends to vary each day.

Most days, the objects of my fascination are KKKristians. As the popular saying goes, Christianity really is the belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

The list of hilarity that these fucktards subscribe to is endless. Many of them believe that if you chant magic Latin phrases over a Triscuit, that Triscuit turns into zombie-flesh, while a cup of Mad Dog 20/20 turns into zombie blood. I'm not even making this shit up. You can't make this shit up.

But many days the objects of my derision and scorn are members or supporters of the Republican Party, or RepubliKKKunts. Now, I'm no militant Democrat. In fact, I've never been a registered member of any party until this year. This year I registered as a Democrat to support Barack Obama, like anyone with half a brain should. (Don't worry, Rhinoq. Yours is in the mail you lovable cunt.)




But seriously, what position does the Republican Party take on any issue that is even remotely close to being worth agreeing with? I checked out their website so you don't have to. (Don't give them the hits. Plus they're probably tracking visitors with high-tech surveillance equipment anyways.) The first thing I see when I click on "issues" to come up with the points in this blog is a giant picture of George W. Bush. Really? You're still fucking supporting this guy? (That's how you use italics, motherfuckers!) It's tempting to have a first thought of, "How does a party that wants to win a Presidential election have a fucking picture of George Bush at the top of their mission statement page? The guy's got an approval rating lower than herpes!" But then when you realize that elections don't matter when you buy them or steal them (see Gore, Al and Kerry, John/Florida, Ohio) you remember that they could up put a picture of Hitler giving your mother herpes and it wouldn't fucking matter.

Anyways, let's go through, one by one, their "issues" to find out where they stand.

1.) Faith and Values - Just the simple fact that this is their number one issue tells you how fucked up these people are. Working on the economy, peace in the Middle East, and education? None of those are as important as believing in the aforementioned cosmic Jewish zombie. Cause remember, it's not just important to have a faith. You've got to have their faith. Anyways, here's the mission of the "Faith and Values" group:

Conservative values are at the heart of the Republican Party, and the hard work of conservatives was integral to the historic Republican successes in 2000, 2002, and 2004. President Bush has sought to create a culture of life in this county and has worked for opportunities to strengthen the family. The Republican National Committee's Conservative Team Leader outreach regularly engages with conservative activists from across the country, working together to further a national agenda promoting free markets, limited government, and stronger families and communities.

Bolding mine. See, these people can't even pretend to talk about Jebus without getting into their "free" market bullshit. Which, of course, is the heart of these greedy billionaire fuckfaces' agenda. Privatize everything with minimal regulations so the rich get richer and richer at the expense of the peasant class. (You know, the other 96% of us.)

2.) Education - This group doesn't have a mission statement, but lists the following five "Education Issues."

•A new high school initiative to help states hold high schools accountable for
teaching all students and to provide effective interventions for those students
who are not learning at grade level.

•Increasing reading skills for America’s striving readers by providing a focus on improving the reading skills of high school students who read below grade level.

•Accelerating mathematics and science achievement dedicated to support projects to accelerate the mathematics achievement of all secondary students, and especially
low-achieving students.

•Accelerating student achievement with Advanced Placement and International Baccalaureate.

•Promoting Scholastic Achievement with State Scholars

What a bunch of fucking shit. They're just listing the reasons that schools exist in the first place! "Striving readers?" What the fuck is that?

3.) Energy - Well this is the party after all that decided that the creators of our energy policy ought to be Enron and Haliburton. Need I say more? It's a known fact that the Republican Party is 72% crude oil. These people eat coal and shit diamonds. They hunt penguins to make their bodies into aerosol cans. Here are their "issues"

• The President's Advanced Energy Initiative promotes America's four main
sources of electricity: coal, nuclear, natural gas, and renewable sources.

• Nuclear Power is abundant and affordable, clean, and safe.

• President Bush is encouraging the research and development of
Clean-Coal technologies, which is by far America’s most abundant and affordable
energy resource.

• President Bush's FY2007 budget proposed $44 million in funding for wind
energy research and other alternative and renewable resources.

Does anybody not born yesterday buy this nonsense? $44 million for alternative energy? Are you fucking kidding me? That's the average Joe-24 pack equivalent of $4.32. That can't even buy a pack of cigarettes. It just sounds like a big number to all of you dipshits out there that thinks it means something.

4.) Healthcare - Remember also that the party's healthcare platform was written by Merck, Pfizer, and the insurance companies. So you know it's got your best interests in mind.

•The President's plan will help more Americans afford health insurance by
reforming the tax code with a standard deduction for health insurance - like the
standard deduction for dependants.

•The Affordable Choices Initiative will help make basic private health
insurance available and will provide additional help to Americans who cannot
afford insurance.

•These two policies will work together to help more Americans afford basic
private coverage...

•The President's proposal will lower taxes for millions of Americans who
now purchase health insurance on their own, making their insurance more
affordable.

Classic RepubliKKKunt hooey. Give you some bullshit tax deduction to buy you off. When you get that extra $200 in your tax return, you're bound to forget about your $500 monthly premium, $10,000 surgery bill and $400 monthly prescription costs! (Where are they getting the money to cover this deduction, by the way? Aren't we already trillions of dollars in debt?)

5.) Jobs and Economy - Finally, the most important issue in the eyes of the overwhelming majority of voters gets some love at number five! •Restraining spending by the Federal Government.

•Working with Congress to pass legislation that promotes economic growth - including making his tax cuts permanent.

•Reforming the institutions fundamental to American society, so that they can meet the realities of our new century.

•Strengthening high schools and the secondary education system.

Restraining spending? How about ending a trillion dollar needless illegal war? Permanent tax cuts? Great if you're a Fortune 500 company or CEO. What the fuck kind of meaningless corporate-speak is "reforming the institutions fundamental to American society, so that they can meet the realities of our new century?" Bullshit jargon. How can anybody take that seriously? It doesn't even mean anything. And the last one falls under education you greedy corporate cunts.

6.) Legal Reform - This is a nice one. Easy to read between the lines here:

•Securing the ability of injured patients to get quick, unlimited compensation for their "economic losses," including the loss of ability to provide unpaid services like care for children or parents.

•Ensuring recoveries for non-economic damages do not exceed a reasonable amount
($250,000).

•Reserving punitive damages for egregious cases where they are justified, and limiting damages to reasonable amounts.

As anyone born prior to July 16th, 2008 can see, the translation to American is, "Protect our corporate masters from responsibility for paying for their mistakes, because they deserve their billions, and Americans deserve nothing better than a kick to the crotch."

7.) Nominations - There are no issues listed under this category, so I can only assume it means, "Pressure all aging Republican judges to resign or retire before the end of the Bush administration so we can get very young Republican judges nominated and maintain a stranglehold on the Justice system forever." (See Roberts, John.)

8.) Safety and Security - Issues:

•Strengthening our Military.

•Deploying a missile defense system.

•Strengthening our ties NATO.

•Protecting the homeland and achieving a sustained level of success and progress in Iraq.

Just come out and say it: Securing our financial interests around the world. Getting oil from poor Arab nations and building up our defense contractors so that they make billions in profits and give us jobs when we "retire," or, "join the private sector."

9.) Social Security - Don't make me laugh. Or cry and vomit. I haven't even read the issues yet to copy/paste them over here, but I'm assuming it has to do with privatization, aka, greedy corporatocracy. Let's have a gander:

•In 1950, there were 16 workers to support every one beneficiary of Social
Security. Today, there are only 3.3 workers supporting every Social Security
beneficiary.

•In 2008 - baby boomers will begin to retire.

•Under the current system, today's 30-year-old worker will face a 26%
benefit cut when he or she reaches normal retirement age.

Well, that doesn't say that at all. In fact, it doesn't really say anything that we don't know. There must be something else...

•President Bush is committed to keeping the promise of Social Security and
is confident we will succeed.

•Favors legislation that calls for voluntary personal accounts as a part of
a comprehensive solution.

•The Republican party wants to see Social Security permanently strengthened
without raising payroll taxes and will not change benefits for today's retirees
or near-retirees.

Ah, there it is. These people (rightly) believe that American Dipshits will just rabble incessantly about taxes not realizing that when you take a socialized system and turn it over to a private entity, what happens? The private entity wants profit. When profit comes into the picture, do you really think costs are going to go fucking down? Of course not. But most of you idiots believe this horseshit, and are willing to pay lower taxes (which will never happen anyways) so you can give billions to our largest financial institutions. What is wrong with you fucking people?

10.) Tax Reform - They saved this one for last, even though they use it as their biggest weapon when attacking us godless liberals. On the surface, one might tend to agree with them. Who doesn't want lower taxes?

•Restraining spending by the Federal Government.

•Reforming the tax code, as the President believes that America's taxpayers
deserve, and our future economic prosperity demands, a simpler, fairer, more
pro-growth system.

•Taxes should be applied fairly, and reform should recognize the importance
of homeownership and charity in our American society.

What the fuck is this nonsense about homeownership and charity? Typical bullshit, but they go on:

•Working to make the Bush tax cuts permanent, both for individuals and for small businesses.

•Working to prevent Congress from raising taxes on small businesses that will hurt economic growth and job creation.

•As a first step in reforming the code, the President has created a bipartisan panel to advise the Secretary of the Treasury on options to reform the tax code.

Doesn't the dumbest American realize by now that the Bush tax cuts benefit only the richest 1% of the cunt tree? I love how they portray "Congress" (read: Democrats) as people who want to raise taxes on "small" businesses. Right. Little mom and pop shops like Exxon-Mobil and Merck.

So there you have it. All Republicans are cunts, though not all cunts are necessarily Republicans. Christians are cunts, too. Though most of them are Republicans. How can so many people be so fucking stupid?